You never expect to fall in love with people when you do. Love can happen at the strangest times. I was comfortable not having someone because I felt like I still needed time to find myself. I've been officially over a person for awhile now and I was okay with that.
It's funny how when your life is a mess and you are having so many issues on your own that someone walks in worth keeping. At first it was just a crush. She was just supposed to be a crush. It had a drama filled ex attached and I let her go for that. I told her to follow her heart. I never expected her to be it. . I never expected her to be the one I'd fall for. It's not my typical thing to go falling over girls.
The moment she asked me out for the second time things changed. I never expected her to come back to me. I became this fearless person that was doing all the things I hate. I started taking down walls and doors I was trying so hard to keep up. As badly as I wanted to stay in my little bubble I've created around myself she broke it down.
"and I don't know how it gets better than this, you take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless, and I don't know why but with you I dance, in a storm in my best dress, fearless"
I've gone from this girl who closes the door on anyone who wants in, to the girl who stays up late just to talk to her before I go to bed. Talking to her is my favorite part of the day now. We text during the day and talk on the phone at night. I love the way she says I love you first before she hangs up the phone. The way she calls me beautiful and sweet and cute. I love the way that she just randomly says I love you or that she wishes she could be next to me. I've had my hurt moments in this relationships and she's shared her many apologies but it's all been worth it. Every tiny thing has just made us stronger.
Whether she was drunk or not, or whether she even remembers I'm always going to remember the moment she said she wanted to say those 3 words but was scared. In that moment where I read that, I realized how much I loved her. In that moment everything made sense to me.
Sure she's asked me to marry her drunk 10 times but I actually don't mind. It's the little moments when she's not at all drunk and calling me wifey and saying she loves me that I love. It's those moments that make me happy. I've spent the last few days quoting cheesy love songs with the words I love you in them and singing fearless in my head because it's how I feel. I feel desperately, hopelessly, and no other word can describe it, fearlessly in love.
I can see myself saying I do to her. I can see myself old with her. I'm planning on saving. Google says it's 6hrs to her house and I'm not going to let that stand in the way. If I have to move myself to her I will. I’m not at all scared to move to her. We found some places close to her house now and I just have to remind myself that it's worth the wait because she's worth it.
I’ve never loved someone so much in my entire life. None of my past loves come even close to comparing to her. She was different to me the moment she came into my life and it's not changing. Everything in my past with love seems stupid, pointless and nothing compared to her. I spend more time crying because I’m happy than I ever have my entire life. I'm so in love with her that I just want my mom to know. I want my mom to know everything about her and like her half as much as I love her. I want my mom too see the reason why I'm smiling all the time and laughing.
I live for the moments where she says I love you. The good mornings to the good nights. I live for her. As scary as it seems like it is to me to be so open and vulnerable it's actually not scary at all. I can't wait to be with her forever. She got me thanking god for her every day and night. I just want my mom to meet the wonderful person who saved me from myself.
