Who I Am

It's a constant battle. It's like I am fighting a dirty war. I'm in the middle of somewhere and I can't escape. Who am I? I'm lost. I'm scared. I'm broken. I'm put together. I'm the soldier fearing for life. Who am I?


I don't really know who I am. Maybe I'm a soldier lost between paths. Maybe I'm the person the soldiers fear. I'm harmless. That's exactly what I am, I'm harmless and hurt. My brain can't figure out what's going on anymore. I'm just a 22 year old girl living in screwed up world. I'm just a girl wishing she could fight for what she believes in. I'm at a constant battle with myself and the world. I'm too scared to fight back so instead I just sit down and listen to music. I let the words of my favorite band Mayday Parade fill my ears and ease my mind. I'm gutless. I've got the determination somewhere within me but I'm too spineless to use it. 


The dark unknown outside is too scary for me. It scares me more to be filled with darkness than it ever would to be in a tornado. Who am I?  Somewhere someone probably thinks I'm different. Somewhere someone probably doesn't get me. Somewhere someone is judging my big brown eyes and hair, the way I dress, and the color of my skin. Somewhere somebody thinks they are insulting me by how much I weigh or the things I do with my life but it doesn't bother me because I'd rather stand out. Who am I?


Maybe I'm the pink and blue in the rainbow on a rainy day or maybe I'm the yellow sunshine on a cloudy day. I could even be the rain or the clouds who knows. I'm probably the girl reading a book with a smile on her face wishing she was a part of another love story. I'll never know. 


 I guess that's the cool thing about being me. I'll never truly know who I am. I'll never truly know who I am because I'll never be anything but me. I'll never stop being me, the 22 year old girl whose scared of the dark and death, who'd rather be reading a book or listening to her favorite band than doing anything else. The girl living in a screwed up world without any guts or spine. No matter what I'm always going to be that girl. The girl with the brown eyes fighting a battle within herself. I'm always going to be me.