Sometimes I feel like someone is sitting on my chest. I feel so suffocated that it's hard to breathe. It's like the simplicity of simply breathing in and out is nearly impossible to do and when it does happen it's a hard painful struggle. It's impossible to control and it generally comes before or after a string of tears. I compare it to what death probably feels like. It's almost as if I'm buried alive. Each gasp of air harder than the next. Each blink of an eye more blurry and tear stained.
It's impossible to recover from the harsh breathing and rapid heart racing that is taking over me. My head aching and spinning in different directions. I try to ask God to make it stop. I try to bargain with him for my breathing to turn back to normal. Bargaining for some air. It takes awhile before it calms but then again it always does. I'm not sure if it will ever stop or go away. I'm not sure if I can ever make it not happen. I've grown used to it. It's as if it has become a part of who I am. I hate that. I hate that it can control me but I have no say it.
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